Men's shoes exist, right?

Well, yesterday was an adventure. Not exactly a being-attacked-by-rabid-triceratops-while-on-a-jungle-expedition kind of adventure. More like an I'm-still-really-confusing-to-my-family-and-we-don't-know-how-to-handle-it-in-public kind of an adventure. I'd really prefer the former...and not just because of the dinosaur awesomeness it involves...

I'm leaving for Ecuador on Saturday (JUST FOUR MORE DAYS!), and I mentioned to my parents a while back that I need some kind of light boot or shoe that I can use for walking/exploring while in Ecuador and preferably still put to good use once I get back. Having less money than desired, I haven't been able to buy shoes for myself lately. I had asked my mother if perhaps she'd be able to lend me the money to buy me a decent shoe, with the promise to pay her back. My mother heard my modest request, but it seemed to process as: "LET'S GO SHOPPING!"

There is nothing more thrilling on this earth for my mother than shopping. Unless it's BARGAIN shopping. Then she gets about eight times as excited about it, which is an accomplishment because she gets so excited about NORMAL shopping.

What began as a "quick trip to the shoe store" soon evolved into something much larger.

I drove to my parents' house yesterday, believing my mother when she said that we'd head out together for a store in the nearby city that sold good outdoor footwear. I arrived home to find Oldest Little Brother sitting at the kitchen counter. When I entered the house, he asked, "Oh, are you coming to the mall with us?"

Despite the fact that I would rather have not spent the evening at an outlet mall with a zillion high school girls giggling about the cute kid who sits next to them in math and grumpy cashiers who would rather not be ringing up those giggly girls, I resigned myself to doing it. I didn't have any other time to get shoes, and Oldest Little Brother would be there. He is an expert at shopping, and he and I always have a good time when we go out together.

Oldest Little Brother, Mom, and I left the house to go to the mall, a farewell hymn of whining in the background because Little Sister (who goes to the mall twice a day) was not invited on this particular outing. There was a bit of nostalgia on my part, because Oldest Little Brother, Mom, and I hadn't had time for just the three of us together since my parents got custody of Little Sister and Youngest Little Brother.

The car ride was spent talking about politics, job prospects, and sex. Nothing out of the ordinary for us.

We wound up splitting up once we got to the mall, because Oldest Little Brother wanted to look at clothes but wouldn't look at any that were made in China, while I wanted to look at shoes.

The mistake I made was going to look at shoes with my mother. Granted, I had no money and she was the one who had offered to pay for the shoes. Still, it would have been a lot easier if I'd just been given money and allowed to shop on my own. But my mother likes to be part of every shopping expedition, so I went along with it as she excitedly headed for the shoe section of the department store.

What made my insides writhe in horror was when I realized that she was taking me to the women's shoe section. She knew I needed sandals, so she hauled me over to the section that contained sparkly, strappy, and/or high heeled sandals.

Me: Mom! These are WOMEN'S shoes!

Mom: You have a woman's feet.

Me: I don't wear any of these!

Mom (holding up a sparkly pair of sandals): These are cute.

Me: Those are for WOMEN.

Mom: Well, what other shoes will you wear?

Gee, Mom. I don't know. Certainly nothing from the entire section of the store devoted to men's footwear.

There was another minor incident when an employee asked us if we needed any help, and my mother replied that we were looking for hiking boots (which is NOT what I needed and I had tried to make that clear).

Employee: Women's hiking boots?

Mom: Yes.

Me: No!

Employee: Um...no...?

Mom: Nothing else will fit you.

Me: I don't want women's boots.

Mom: They're the same thing, just smaller.

After going back and forth like this for a while, it was concluded that nothing was going to get solved. We left that store and wandered around the mall, searching for shoe stores. My mother found several women's shoe stores that she wanted to examine, and I found several men's shoe stores that I wanted to explore further, but neither of us wanted to allow the other to go to their store of choice.

Finally, we settled on a shoe store that seemed fairly gender-neutral. I wound up getting two good pairs of shoes there. They are (technically) women's shoes, but they look neutral enough that I'm comfortable with them.

I did have a minor victory when it came to swimsuits, however. I realized, in the midst of our outing, that there are in fact beaches in Ecuador, and Ecuadorian Friend may very well have been serious when he talked about me + him + water + sand = yay?

I had this realization coincidentally right next to the women's swimsuits.

Me: Oh! I forgot! I don't have a swimsuit and we're supposed to go to the beach!

Mom: There's some.

Me: Those are for women...

Mom: And...?

Me: Well, I'm not a girl...

Mom: Then what will you wear?

Me: Swim trunks and a t-shirt.

Mom: Why?

Me: (give up)

In the end, my mother wound up liking a pair of blue swim trunks, and suggesting that we get them for me. I didn't ask her to buy them. I had, in fact, resigned myself to taking myself shopping in the next available time gap and get a pair of discount swim trunks on my own. But my mom examined a suit, suddenly decided that I could not spend the rest of my life without them, and paid for them despite my protests that it was okay and she didn't have to.

So now I have shoes and a swim suit for Ecuador.

I did enjoy spending time with my mother and Oldest Little Brother. I'm not sure shopping is the best thing we can do to occupy our time, but it was nice to get to spend an evening with them.