I have a baby

Randomly, my coworker just walked in carrying what I thought was a sword in a sheath. Then she pulled it out and it was actually an umbrella with a sword handle. My immediate thought was, "COOL! Where can I get one?!" and then I realized it was an umbrella and not a sword, and died a little inside.

One of my biggest attributes/flaws is the fact that I have a giant smushy heart and it's very difficult for me to say no to people. It's also very difficult for me not to take home every animal I find. Seriously, in Ecuador, I think I drove Ecuadorian Friend a little bit crazy because there were thousands of stray dogs in the streets, and every time we saw one I'd have to stop and yank on his sleeve and point and yell, "Mira al perro! Quiero el perro!" ("Look at the dog! I want the dog!") Eventually Ecuadorian Friend was like, "You know what? There are eight thousand dogs around here. Do you really plan on taking ALL of them home?" and then we drove by a cat and I was like, "Mira al gato! Quiero el gato!" and Ecuadorian Friend just gave up. He did respond when I wanted to take HIS dog home with me. He laughed and said no f*cking way.

The thing is, whenever I see an animal, no matter what it is (SERIOUSLY, no matter what it is. I've been stopped from taking home bats, squid, jellyfish, snakes, and spiders) my automatic reaction is, "OH MY GOD, IT'S SO CUTE AND I BET IT NEEDS A DADDY TO LOVE IT AND CUDDLE IT AND TAKE CARE OF IT!"

Physical attributes make no difference to me when it comes to animals. In fact, you might even go so far as to say that the uglier it is, the more I want it, because I know that everyone else thinks it's ugly and I get upset that they think it's ugly and decide that whatever animal it is deserves lots of love and affection and that I'm the one to give it.

Because I know how it is to be rejected for being weird or less than desirable. Some people find out about my transition and automatically label me as odd and therefore worthy of avoidance. Not everyone, of course. Most people are totally fine with it. But this happens often enough, along with being interrogated, made fun of, not believed, and even losing a few friends, that it's affected me decently. Therefore, whenever I see an animal that no one seems to want, my automatic reaction is to jump in and protect it because I know how bad that rejection feels.

A perfect example of this is yesterday. I was out on my porch, smoking a cigarette (yes...I slipped...), when my neighbor came out onto his porch.

Neighbor: Hey, Peter. I have a question for you.

Me: Sure. What's up?

Neighbor: Do you still want a cat?

(We had discussed me possibly adopting an older cat of his, but this fell through due to the fact that I was supposed to be moving to a new, fairly small apartment with my coworker and that the older cat kept beating up his kittens, so the cat wound up going to a shelter.)

Me: Why?

Neighbor: I can't keep mine anymore and if I can't find someone to take her, I'll have to take her to the shelter.

Me: Which one?

Neighbor: The black kitten.

He ran inside to get the kitten. In my brain, I was going through all the logical reasons that I most certainly could not take this kitten.

a) I'm moving back in with my parents, and I can't keep adopting animals when it's their space I'll be occupying
b) my roommates probably don't want another cat in the house
c) the cats I already own will not like a new kitten in their space
d) I already have two cats, a rat, and a hedgehog (all of which were also rescue animals)
e) I do not NEED another pet

As soon as Neighbor appeared with the kitten, though, every single reason that I should not take the cat vanished from my head. Neighbor passed the kitten to me over the balcony, and within two seconds, that was it. My heart had melted and I desperately needed that kitten. No one else wanted her! I could not allow that poor little baby to be rejected so harshly!

Neighbor: Do you want her?

Me: Yes!

Neighbor: When?

Me: Now! Let me go see how she gets along with Jack and Maggie.

I took the kitten inside. She's been in my house ever since. My other cats are not very happy about the newcomer. Or rather, Maggie is the queen bee of the house and she isn't happy about the newcomer. Jack is perfectly content as long as he gets an adequate amount of attention, so he doesn't really care but he pretends to because Maggie the Boss cares.

I did worry about how my roommates would react to the new cat, but that turned out not to be a problem. My female roommate, whose hair is currently purple, came home very shortly after I acquired the kitten.

Me: I borrowed a kitten!

Purple-Haired Roommate: What?

Me: I borrowed a kitten.

Purple-Haired Roommate: Oh. From who?

Me: The neighbors.

Purple-Haired Roommate (peering into the bathroom that the new baby was currently exploring): Can we keep it?!

Me: Um...yeah...I kind of agreed to take her.

Purple-Haired Roommate: Cool! I love kitties!

Me: You don't mind?

Purple-Haired Roommate: Dude, you're moving out in a month and I love cats anyway. We're good.

Me: Sweet!

Purple-Haired Roommate: What do your parents think of this?

Me: Uh...they don't exactly...know yet...

Purple-Haired Roommate: Let me know how that works out for you.

So I was in the clear with Purple-Haired Roommate. It works out because she likes animals a lot better than she likes people, and she'd do the same thing I do and adopt every animal on the face of the earth unless forcibly stopped.

My other roommate is a former marine, and I was less concerned about convincing him. And then I decided that, as Marine crashes on our couch and didn't come home until 4:00 in the morning anyway, he had no say. So when Marine finally arrived home in the wee hours of the morn and WOKE ME UP, our conversation went like this.

Marine: Hey.

Me: Wha...?

Marine: It's okay. You're okay. It's just me.

Me: Mmmmph. I'm sleepy.

Marine: I just got off work.

Me: Nnnng.

Marine: Come out in the living room.

Me (staggering--due to being only half awake--out to the living room): We have a new baby.

Marine: What?

Me: There's a new baby.

Marine: What the hell are you talking about?

Me: She's black. Where did she go?

Marine: Um...I have no clue?

Me: The neighbor didn't want his kitten, so I took her.

Marine: So...there are now three cats in this house?

Me: Yes.

Marine: (rolls his eyes)

Probably inside his head he was going, "Have you no willpower?" But he can't judge me because I say so.

The kitten, as of now, has no name. Her former owners called her Tinker, but I don't think it suits her. In my head, I've labeled her Pichincha because that's the mountain that Quito is located near.

My giant squishy heart will definitely land me in trouble one of these days.