Anybody who has read the fifth book onward, or seen the later movies, will be aware of a character named Luna Lovegood. She is absolutely one of my favorite characters in the books. She is never anyone but herself. But in the stories, a point is made that Luna is regularly judged and targeted by her classmates because she is perceived as weird or abnormal.
Why do I bring this up?
I had an interesting experience last night.
Best Friend and I were both bored and frustrated with our mothers (neither of whom are very accepting of us as we are). So we decided to spend an evening together in a bar, drinking and chatting and just relaxing.
So Best Friend and I picked a bar in the heart of the city and made an appearance. We chose a table in a corner and settled down at it. We weren't intending to bother anyone; on the contrary, we were planning to have a bit of food, drink a bit, and stay out of people's way. The evening was about us, after all, and spending time with each other.
The bar was rather crowded, and the only available table we could find had only recently been vacated by another group. So Best Friend and I arranged the previous group's dirty plates and empty glasses on the open side of the table, to make it easier for the waitress when she came to clear them away.
It only took the waitress a few minutes to come over and clear the plates and glasses away. She didn't look at us initially when she arrived; she focused on cleaning up. But she had a polite smile on as she said, "I'll be back to get your orders in just a second." Then she looked up at us, and the smile vanished completely from her face. She made no attempt to hide the fact that she was quite displeased at the sight of us. She hurried away with the dirty dishes and glasses. She didn't so much as look at us the rest of the night.
Best Friend and I waited a while, and when the waitress proceeded to take orders from the tables on either side of us while continuing to ignore us completely, we were a little miffed. I managed to catch the waitress' eye and smile at her, attempting to give the message that Best Friend and I were in no way dangerous. In fact, neither of us is terribly intimidating at all. I'd go so far as to say that I look completely harmless. But the waitress did not return my smile. Instead, she dropped her gaze like I had said something immensely rude to her, and shook her head. SHE SHOOK HER HEAD, in what was clearly a dismissal.
A few moments later, a second waitress approached our table and proceeded to take drink and food orders from Best Friend and I. Second Waitress was very bubbly and happy and polite. She kept coming back to Best Friend and I, asking if we wanted more drinks the moment we'd finished what was in our glasses, chatting with us, even flirting with the both of us bit (I was quite flattered, although I didn't return the flirting, as I happen to be quite attached to Significant Other).
Now, I did like Second Waitress. She was very nice and she got Best Friend and I what we ordered with a speed abnormal to such a crowded place. She was very attentive to us. But when she started to flirt with us a bit, I began to see what was going on.
Best Friend and I were being perceived a certain way.
It was quite apparent that First Waitress had asked Second Waitress to serve our table, as Best Friend and I were clearly smack in the middle of First Waitress' area and she wouldn't get anywhere near us.
My best guess is that Best Friend and I were being perceived as lesbians. Whether people thought we were a couple or not, I don't know. But I believe that First Waitress perceived us as being lesbians, did not like that, and wouldn't serve us, so she sent Second Waitress over to serve our table; then, Second Waitress, also having perceived us a certain way, proceeded to happily tend to us.
Now, I'm much more pleased with Second Waitress' attitude than First Waitress' attitude. However, what is very clear to me is that both of them were acting on how they PERCEIVED us.
Once again, I can only guess that they perceived us as lesbians. And while Best Friend and I are indeed on the LGBT spectrum, neither of us is a lesbian. As Best Friend's identity and orientation are Best Friend's own business, I won't post them for the world to see. But I myself am transgender (duh) and when it comes to my orientation, although I don't like to stick a label on it, the best word that fits it is "pansexual."
Perceptions aren't a bad thing, in general. Hell, if there was no such thing as perception, how would we interact with anybody? It would be impossible to separate anyone from anyone else. The problem comes in when we JUDGE people based on the perceptions we have of them, and/or treat them in a certain way, when in reality, the perceptions we have of them may not even be true.
As an example, bullying has been a problem in schools for YEARS. Unfortunately, some kids who are the target of bullying go to the extreme and take their own lives as a means to escape the torment of everyday life. This is particularly apparent with LGBT and LGBT-perceived youth.
I say LGBT-perceived youth for a reason. Kids seem to think that calling one another "fag" and gay and whatnot is the worst insult you can give. And unfortunately, as much as this country has progressed in the last few years, LGBT is still quite widely unaccepted. But what people seem to overlook is that this bullying is often a matter of PERCEPTION.
Yes, sometimes kids will target other kids who are open and out about being LGBT. But often, kids will target someone who either isn't out or isn't even on the LGBT spectrum. They PERCEIVE someone as being gay, lesbian, trans, whatever, and they act based on those perceptions.
Now, Best Friend and I weren't the target of stupid kids who aren't even worthy of our time. But at the same time, we did get treated a certain way because of how two people perceived us. One of them was much more positive than the other, and we did enjoy her company and her enthusiasm, but in the end BOTH perceptions (or what I can guess were their perceptions) were wrong.
I don't mind being asked questions about my gender identity or my sexual orientation. On the contrary, I'm always open and willing to share. But often people are surprised at what I say because they had assumed something about me, and the reality of how I am doesn't match up with what they had assumed.
Do me a favor, folks. Don't judge. Even with the best of intentions, it may wind up more of a hindrance than a help.
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