On the Plus Side...

I've been incredibly busy with school and doctors, and I haven't been posting much lately. The guilt is eating away at my soul.

My last post was kind of a flood of angst and depression and woes. I'm working hard to keep my head above water and remind myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I've encountered a lot of incredibly supportive people in the last few weeks. None of them are doctors, but all have had many kind words and some very helpful advice for me. I would like it to officially be on the record that I love you all very much! :D

I know that I'll get through this. It's a long, hard road to take, but I am determined to do it. And those of you who know me are well aware that when I'm determined, I don't give up.

It's great that I've got all this positive energy. One minor roadblock is that I don't entirely know where to direct it. I'll work it out eventually. The issue is that there are so many ways to go about getting on testosterone, and I've chosen one that is quite approved of by doctors, but also one of the slowest routes. There are other, perfectly legal, ways to get on testosterone. There are just so many! It's not like choosing a fork in the road. It's more like choosing the most efficient route from your house to Starbucks, if you live on one side of a crowded city and Starbucks is on the other side of the city, and you have to take into account traffic and road construction and which stoplights are longer than others and where the most pedestrians are and the weather and if you want to go through the worst part of town to save yourself from time but risk being carjacked and whether there's a possibility of acid rain or alien invasions or a zombie uprising and you're also navigating in the pitch dark with broken headlights and no GPS. At least, that's what it feels like to me. Like I said, I'll get there eventually. I just have to stay positive.

One of the things that's helping to keep me positive is that I'm going back to Ecuador!

I saved up my money for months and bought my own plane ticket. I didn't think I'd see Ecuadorian Friend again so soon, but I'll get to in March!

One of the things I'm looking forward to most is NOBODY questioning my gender. I don't know why people just weren't bothered by it last time, but I can't wait to be in a place where my gender identity just doesn't f***ing matter.